fiNaLs aRe oVeR~

Finals are finally over. The only thing left for me to do now is to wait for my final grades and have my TOR mailed to the universities I applied for.

So now with so much free time in my hands, I figured I should do a little blogging along the way. I know it’s summer and all, but I don’t really plan on doing anything fancy. I just want to find a job, earn some money, and hopefully have enough to go back home for a month–and have my REAL summer there.

The good news is I found my little notebook that has all my scribbles on it, which date almost three years ago. My sister sent me a text message asking me if I have our mom’s old passport, and when I found it, I found the notebook in the same place where it was. I kind of found it funny, though. It just shows how cluttered I really am. I mean, a blue cute “snoopy-fied” notebook full of poems with a PASSPORT? No wonder I couldn’t find it all these years.

So I just decided to pick some poems from it and post it on here. This means that almost all of the poems that will be posted here were written ages ago. I just want to share them, including the feelings I felt when I wrote them. The themes are usually what a typical teenager can relate to: love and rebellion. Hope you’ll like them.

aNoThEr pOeM

I have not written here for a while because finals are coming up, so I have to start getting ready for them.

Again, I found a poem in my computer. (How many poems did I write on this thing, anyway?!) Unfortunately, I don’t have a title for this one.

I enjoyed the simple luxuries of life
Pursuing my future without breaking a stride
Abruptly, I had to leave it all
And settle for a place miles away from home

Suddenly my plans were threatened
Will I be able to continue what has always been planned?
With my origins fighting over the smallest things
I’m afraid that a scar could form from a simple sting

I could feel reality sting my eyes
Anxiety surfacing every sleepless night
Always asking myself, “Can I make it,
Will I have the will to fight through this shit?”

Nothing to do but sit tight
And watch as fate unfolds my life
I just hope that the wait is worthwhile
Because I can’t keep on masking a fake smile

mEmOriEs

I was supposed to finish my sociology reaction paper (yes, unfortunately, I’m not done with that effin’ thing yet), but I found myself lurking around my computer. Then, I found this file titled “diary,” and I remember writing a bunch of stuff in it. So I opened it and skimmed through some of it, then I ended up on the last entry: a poem.

I do remember writing this, but I can’t quite recall what my thoughts were when I wrote it. My best bet is homesickness. I mean, everyday, all I ever think about is going back home (LOL. I know, I’m such a baby).

It’s kind of weird, though. The first thing I thought of when I read this was “love” or something related to it. It just gives off that kind of feeling.

Actually, I used to have a notebook (since senior year of high school) where I wrote all my poems. I wonder where it is now. It was pretty neat, I might say. But, sad to say, I don’t write that much nowadays. Can’t find any inspiration for it, I guess.

Oh, uhm, the title’s not really “Memories,” but it kept repeating the word, so I might as well use it as the title.

********

It’s so hard to not have someone to talk to
It’s so hard that I feel like my head’s gonna spilt in two
Will I ever be able to express
These feelings forever suppressed
Or will I just have to settle with the memories left…
In me

I try to reach out, open up, be heard
Asking myself, “Is it worth it to be ignored?”
So I end up holding back
In a dark corner I quietly sat
Whatever happened to the person that was once in my…
Memories

Should I forget who I am to adjust?
When all who knew are now the past?

Memories, don’t leave me
Oh memories, please help me
Don’t hide at the back of my head
Help me find someone to have our needs met
Oh memories, stay here beside me

********

I know I wrote this and everything, but I kind of find the “…” thing funny. I don’t know how I came up with that idea. I don’t even know WHY I came up with it.
Oh well.

生田斗真さんはかわいそうですね~

I was planning to post something about this yesterday, but the god of inspiration did not hit me with any, well, inspiration.

Nevertheless, here it goes!

I was watching the ninth episode of the Japanese drama “ハチミツとクローバー (Hachimitsu to Clover)” when I noticed Ikuta Toma, the guy who plays the main character Takemoto Yuta, all drenched in the “rain.”

But first of all, let me rant about the scene. So there was this whole fake rain thing that was so obvious. You can actually see the fake raindrops because of the bad lighting, making the fabricated raindrops somehow appear longer than they would if they were real. I mean, if you’re going to create some rain for a scene, at least use a decent water hose to do it! While I was watching the scene, I can’t help but imagine Ikuta Toma riding his bike and doing his thing, while the camera crew rode on a big truck in front of him, with one or three guys trying to get a hold of this big ass electric fan thingy. In addition, there were also a few people who were figuring out the water hose, trying to control how much water came out of it. Did they really expect the viewers to “think” that it was actually raining?

Anyway, this post is not about that. It’s about what Ikuta Toma did FOR the scene.

I felt really sorry for the guy. It was shot in freaking winter, for heaven’s sake! And he was doing the scene on a mountain, probably, and there was still SNOW on the roadside. You could actually feel the cold as you watch it.

Check out the pictures.

Look at the right-hand side of the picture: SNOW.
And at the upper left-hand corner, the uber-long-obviously-fake raindrops I was talking about.

Here’s a bigger and clearer view of the snow.

(Sorry about the quality. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, so I did not bother on taking more decent screencaps.)

AND HE’S WEARING SHORTS TOO!

I do hope he’s getting a really good pay to do all this. I bet he was irritated to see how those long hours of having needles pierce through his skin, especially on his bare legs, be only worth at least five minutes of screen time.

Wait, there’s more! (LOL. I sound like those TV shopping channel voice-overs.) The drama did not do so good on that episode as well. From an already low rating of 8.0, it went lower to 7.4, and even lower on the tenth episode: a rating of only 7.0! It’s really sad how underrated this drama has been. It’s not a fantastic drama, and it doesn’t even come close to the animé nor the manga, but, still, I can actually say it is a good one. I’ve seen dramas a lot worse than this, yet they get so much higher ratings. What’s up with that? Oh yeah~ The crazy fangirls.

But my issue with that is a whole new different story, and thus a whole new different blog entry. I’m just gonna have to settle on this for now.

I hope you don’t catch pneumonia, 生田斗真さん!

tHe eViLs oF tHe iNtErNeT

I was planning to stay in school for at least 3 more hours after my classes were over to start on my studying for Macroeconomics. We have a midterm tomorrow, so it’s one of those final chances to redeem the credits I lost in the earlier half of the term. But then, I just decided to do the studying at home. I knew it would be harder though, especially considering that my mom’s home (and her constant nagging) and, worse, there’s DSL.

These are the times when I think to myself how much I really love hate the internet. It is so addictive, and yet so destructive. I know most of you probably understand what I’m trying to say here. There are so many more interesting stuff I find on the net just by clicking on some links than flipping through the pages of my sociology or economics books.

Probably, the problem lies in me, though. I’m the one who gets easily tempted by all those fun stuff over the internet that I end up neglecting most of the things that I should do.

And before you let your minds drift away as to what really catches my attention on the internet, I’d like to inform you that I am not one of those internet gamers, internet porn addicts, chat-ers, facebook-ers, or the dedicated bloggers (and putting them all in one sentence does not, IN ANY WAY, also put them in the same magnitude of this so-called “internet addiction”). I’m more of the google-r type. I just google whatever comes into my mind and that’s how I spend hours sitting in front of the computer.

But, for now, I’m going to try to stop that. Well, just until finals are over, I guess (which is more than a month away!). And, hopefully, tomorrow I can start on making outlines again for my other courses so I can be ready for the upcoming finals. For now, I just have to concentrate on my Macroeconomics midterm tomorrow and pray that I read every question carefully because that’s how I usually fail my exams. I miss a word or two because of time pressure. Stupid me.

That’s about it!

And, oh yeah, I still hate DST. I woke up late today because my biological clock is still not accustomed to the +1 hour thing. Hopefully, I’ll get rid of this problem by tomorrow.

dAyLiGhT sAviNgS tiMe

Good thing I had my cellphone to remind me about that.

I was talking to a friend early this morning about a bunch of stuff, but when I saw the upper-right hand corner of the computer screen, I saw that it was already 3 A.M.!

To suddenly see that it was already 3 in the morning gave me a bit of a shock. I swore that it was still past 1 o’clock the last time I looked at the computer clock. I checked my wristwatch, and it did say 2 A.M. I then took out my mobile and it said right on the screen: “DST TODAY! +1 HOUR!”

There goes my good night’s sleep.

So, yeah, I hate this part of the DST because I have to add another hour, so that means an hour less of my Sunday.

I don’t know, I’ve always thought that DST starts on October and ends on April. Now, where I got that notion, I do not know.

But I like it this way, though. The sun now sets at around 7 P.M., so that means I can stay in school and do most of my studying. Weeee~

But I still hate the fact that I had an hour less worth of sleep. >.<

a sEcOnD gO aT bLoGgiNg

Alright!

This is my first “official” post on wordpress. The first two were previously posted on livejournal, and I just moved them here a few minutes ago. Don’t ask me why I chose wordpress over livejournal. It’s just that most of my friends use wordpress, so I thought it might be a bit better than livejournal, but how should I know. I mean, really. I’m still new at this.

This is actually my second go at blogging. Like I said, I used to have an account on livejournal, which was pretty much useless, seeing that I only had like three posts on there. After that, I just got tired of doing it because I was not really the type to rant about my life (or anybody else’s for that matter) on the internet.

But all of that changed.

I met some interesting people over a month ago on some group on friendster (If you do not know what friendster is, it is the same as myspace, facebook, and cyworld). At first, I just wanted to join the group because they claimed to be the pride of the city I was born in (Davao City, Philippines). So I thought, “I’m proud to be from Davao. Why not join this and actually become part of the so-called “pride” of the city?” So that was what I did. Click click, and there! I became part of the Davao’s Pride group in a matter of seconds! (Funny what the internet can actually do to your social life in just two mouse clicks.)

When I met all those people from the group, usually the ones who are most frequently online, they kept on ushering me to start a blog.

“But what would I write about?” I asked. “Anything!” They said.
Wow, that helped a lot.

Then they told me to check their sites out, so I did. And as I was reading their posts, I said to myself, “Hey, maybe I can actually do this.” I have seen and read a lot of blogs from various kinds of people, and, to be honest, I felt really intimidated by how they wrote their entries. People wrote them in such a witty way that you’ll never expect such trivial matters to be so humorous. Plus, they usually had a theme. Like, for example, a blogsite dedicated to an artist or something like that. Bottom line is I have never come across a blogsite with so many topics to talk about, which I found in practically all of the DP (Davao Pride) members’ blog posts.

So that’s why I decided to just write about anything. Absolutely anything. Even if it is a kind of spur-of-the-moment thing or a consequence of insomnia or just a rant about an idiotic issue. If those guys can do it, then I can as well! I mean, they are even getting paid to do it!

The hell with that!

cAn’T sLeEp

(This was an old entry. I just reposted it.)

It’s quarter to 4am, and I can’t sleep. I can feel my eyes dropping down, but whenever I find myself on the bed, I just can’t fall asleep! I have absolutely no idea why, but I just stare around the dark room and think. Think what? I don’t really know… It’s like a mix of everything: my finals, home, my friends, school… So many things run in my mind for the last few hours, and I just can’t seem to fall asleep.

So I just decided to write on this thing. I’m not quite sure if I’m going to be able to sleep after all this, but I’m just hoping that it will help, in some twisted way.

Ok, so where do I start?

Right!

NUMBER ONE: In Canada, I have ZERO social life.

And I hate it.

I can’t really say that I was popular back home, but I did know a lot of people. It even came to a point that wherever I go (in school), I always end up greeting somebody along the hallway, always have someone to talk to, and even always have someone to borrow books or calculators from whenever I need some. I’m even shocked myself whenever I think about this because I was never a sociable person. I was more of the quiet and don’t-give-a-damn-to-the-world type who you’ll always find at the corner of the classroom either sleeping or just have a blank look on her face. But somehow, it worked for me. I still gained a lot of friends and even came off as a funny person to some people (I have absolutely no idea how this came to be).

But where I am right now, It doesn’t work. ABSOLUTELY… no effect.

My aloofness and standard sit-at-the-corner-of-the-room habit has gotten me nowhere in regards to my social life. I’ve been in Canada for over a year now, and unfortunately, I haven’t made any friends. Well, I have made some at work, but now that I’m NOT working and just concentrating on college, it’s pretty damn harsh. I feel so alone with no one to talk to. Even though I have some friends from work, I’ve never really spent that much time with them for us to be “friends.”

I know it sounds pretty shallow, I mean it does for me, but it’s the truth. I can’t even believe that I’m complaining about such a small thing. I just realized that I’m so used to not exerting any effort when it comes to my social life that when I found myself in an entirely different place, I was kind of… well, I guess… lonely. I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life, and that scares the crap out of me. I miss home uncontrollably (but not to the point that I’m on the verge of tears, thank God!), and I always end up daydreaming of how it would be if I was back home. I mean, I’m so homesick that I even did something that I would NEVER IMAGINE myself do: write a freaking blog about it!

Oh well!