cAn’T sLeEp

(This was an old entry. I just reposted it.)

It’s quarter to 4am, and I can’t sleep. I can feel my eyes dropping down, but whenever I find myself on the bed, I just can’t fall asleep! I have absolutely no idea why, but I just stare around the dark room and think. Think what? I don’t really know… It’s like a mix of everything: my finals, home, my friends, school… So many things run in my mind for the last few hours, and I just can’t seem to fall asleep.

So I just decided to write on this thing. I’m not quite sure if I’m going to be able to sleep after all this, but I’m just hoping that it will help, in some twisted way.

Ok, so where do I start?

Right!

NUMBER ONE: In Canada, I have ZERO social life.

And I hate it.

I can’t really say that I was popular back home, but I did know a lot of people. It even came to a point that wherever I go (in school), I always end up greeting somebody along the hallway, always have someone to talk to, and even always have someone to borrow books or calculators from whenever I need some. I’m even shocked myself whenever I think about this because I was never a sociable person. I was more of the quiet and don’t-give-a-damn-to-the-world type who you’ll always find at the corner of the classroom either sleeping or just have a blank look on her face. But somehow, it worked for me. I still gained a lot of friends and even came off as a funny person to some people (I have absolutely no idea how this came to be).

But where I am right now, It doesn’t work. ABSOLUTELY… no effect.

My aloofness and standard sit-at-the-corner-of-the-room habit has gotten me nowhere in regards to my social life. I’ve been in Canada for over a year now, and unfortunately, I haven’t made any friends. Well, I have made some at work, but now that I’m NOT working and just concentrating on college, it’s pretty damn harsh. I feel so alone with no one to talk to. Even though I have some friends from work, I’ve never really spent that much time with them for us to be “friends.”

I know it sounds pretty shallow, I mean it does for me, but it’s the truth. I can’t even believe that I’m complaining about such a small thing. I just realized that I’m so used to not exerting any effort when it comes to my social life that when I found myself in an entirely different place, I was kind of… well, I guess… lonely. I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life, and that scares the crap out of me. I miss home uncontrollably (but not to the point that I’m on the verge of tears, thank God!), and I always end up daydreaming of how it would be if I was back home. I mean, I’m so homesick that I even did something that I would NEVER IMAGINE myself do: write a freaking blog about it!

Oh well!